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I'm Making A List, Hell I'll Chack It Twice

Sun Dec 20, 2009, 7:36 PM
I was in a very good mood thinking about posting this, because I had a wonderful weekend with :iconlollilala: Alyssa and :iconchibi-manga-stalker: Deanna. We had lots of fun. But then my dad picked me up, and on our way inside he kicked Zoro (our beloved black kitty that we've had for four years) because he didn't want her in the house. >:[

I'm strongly against animal abuse, and I have a HUGE problem when people do it. Especially in front of me. So I'm not very happy with my dad right now.

(he doesn't want her inside tonight, but after he goes to bed i'm bringing her inside<3)

Anyway, I had an amazing weekend with Alyssa and Deanna. I'm so happy that I was able to go and spend it with them. Sadly, though, it's probably the only time I'm going to be able to spend any time with you guys. Well, New Year's my mom said I could have ONE friend over. So, I'll have to see what you guys are doing~<3

I just heard a door slam, and my sister sounds angry in the next room. That's not good. But I'm going to ignore it because I'm starting to get back into a good mood.

I hope that everyone has a Happy Holiday! I spent Christmas with my mom this weekend, and it was very fun. Not a whole lot to say otherwise. She got me this really nice jacket/sweater thing and it's very comfty and I'm going to live it in all Winter Break <3.

Just wanted to say Happy Holidays everyone, don't hit your pets or I'll get you, and see you at New Year's!


Wie geht's?

  • Mood: Relief
  • Listening to: Molly's Chambers by Kings Of Leon
  • Drinking: Water

Your Hopes, Your Dreams, Your Everything

Wed Dec 16, 2009, 8:14 PM
I have been severly depressed for almost a week now. More so than I would like to admit. But it feels like the only way I can get all these messy thoughts arranged is to type them out. I feel overly happy, and then through the floor sad in a matter of minutes. It's a whole week of my life in such a short time that it is starting to kill me. I have seriously just sat in my room and cried because I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror.

I've thought many times about why I'm even here. I think, 'What am I doing? What's the point? It's not like I'm going to make a change in this world.' And then I become really sad and I can't get out of it. I actually WANT to be at school; it distracts me from all of this. But then, when I'm thinking this, I feel overly selfish and I just feel worse about myself.

I can't help but cry about this. I feel so dumb. I keep wishing that I'll wake up, that this isn't real and I can go back to Friday night and maybe STOP myself. But then I realize that, no, I can't go back and yes, I have to live with myself now. Fuck.

But then I think about that guy who passed out in the office, and how no one was there for him but me. And how serious it could have been. And I think about all of my friends and how happy they make me, and how I wish that I could be a better friend. And I think about my parents, and how much they love me but how much they must hate me right now.

And all of thise just ends up in a whole big confusing mess inside my head, and I can't get rid of it no matter how much people tell me that it's going to be ok. Because it's not. I KNOW that it's not.

No one really has to pay any attention to this, because I'm just trying to get everything down and in front of me so I can sort things out. I'm just ranting, really. So no one really has to care about it.

The world really isn't a 10M tree.


Wie geht's?

  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: What Is Love by Christofer Drew
  • Drinking: Water

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

Thu Dec 10, 2009, 5:02 PM
Today was overly difficult. I had to come home, bake around 60 cookies and then realize I don't need that many, try to get my mom to sit down when she wouldn't, ask my sister for help but then she just sat there, run backa and forth between the kitchen and the dinning room, change my pants, AND email Boddy about Sakura-Con. Yeah, it wasn't that much fun to do and now my back hurts quite a bit.

But that's beside the point. I don't know, I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky I am to have such great friends. :] I don't know. Just today I felt great and so incredably lucky to have everyone in my life.

For a really long time (up until 8th grade), I didn't have any friends. I really didn't. But then I started to hang out with Anna and Felicia, and later in the year Alyssa, and things just took off from there. After that, I met Mary and Spencer and Maya and Shannon, and shortly after that Deanna, Tori and Mell. I'm just so lucky to have friends like you guys. You guys don't even know.

So, here's just a giant, resounding THANK YOU to everyone. :] I don't know why, but I really feel like I have to give a giant hug to everyone.

I'm just so glad to have long lasting friendships that I have, and I know that in 20 years I'll still be calling you guys up on the phone. And it feels great to think that.

I love you guys so much. :'D


Wie geht's?

  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: Push It by the Glee Cast.
  • Drinking: Water

Like Slow Poison

Fri Dec 4, 2009, 9:00 PM
I don't know. I'm pretty bored right now. This is the first time in WEEKS I haevn't had anything planed for a Friday night. It feels really weird.

All I've done is watch Ohitorisama and read fanfiction all night. That's it. Nothing else. And I feel like a fat lazy person for doing so. I don't know. It just bothers me when I'm not productive. But no, I'm dumb and did all of my homework at SCHOOL. Fuck my life.

I'm just so damn BORED. I don't know. Hopefully I'll have something planned for tomorrow. I really do hope so because I don't want to be stuck here all day with my sister and JOSH. Because seeing them all lovey-dovey will make me want to PUKE up everything and just be a bitch. And I'm trying this new thing where I'm NiCE to people, so that wouldn't really work.

I feel like going to the mall and stealing a whole ton of stuff. That would feel really good right now. And I'm not really sure why.

I got everyone's Christmas gifts all planned out~ :3 I can't wait to get those together.

Well, this was pointless. I'm just giving myself something to do for a few minutes. That was it.

I hope that everyone is having a better day than I am!


Wie geht's?

  • Mood: Lazy
  • Listening to: That's The Way by Led Zeppelin
  • Drinking: Water

I Am I, You Are You, We Could Live In Such Harmony

Tue Dec 1, 2009, 4:29 PM
So I came home from a not-so-good-day, had to fight my mom and get her to sit down, ran around the house looking for matches, sat down to check my email, and listened to Christofer Drew's new song. And, after listening to it, I feel so relaxed. Like, everything that's been going on in my life in the past few months was gone. And everything was peacful again. And the people wanted everything to be peacful, too. I don't really know what I'm saying right now, I'm kind of out of it.

BUT. From now on, I vow to spread the love ~<3 And I really mean spread the love. I'm going to try and stop saying mean things about people, even people I don't like ( damn this will be hard D: ). I'm just sick and tired of feeling anry all the time, and I want to show other people some much needed love.

So let's start saying kind things about people. Let's start doing kind things, even if it's just holding the door open for another person. Let's start smiling and laughing along with people and spread some happiness. :]

Who wants to join me?


Wie geht's?

  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: Harmony DEMO by Christofer Drew.
  • Drinking: Water

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